Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice


I beg your pardon but I strongly believe, the two of you are simply an ill match and deeply miserable (emotionally).

Oh, and (at the very least, though probably not…) one of you, happens to suffer from a neuro – biological disorder, which, sadly;-) , is neither an invention nor spontaneosly disappears when a person turns…18 mostly, correct?

As a relatively grounded, rational 35 – year-old man who-owing to severe ADHD of the combined type,actually cannot support himself like any adult should do I find it increasingly unnerving to see and hear what kind of rude, cold, borderline sociopathic behavior- at times actually caused by a BPD- is being blamed on ADHD, sadly!! using correct and complete listings of (potential) symptoms and all too often I read of said behavior being tolerated, even when its long past bearable.

Interestingly,in my personal experience, whenever the diagnostic process is conducted by a “traditionalist“, setting aside newer theories that are,as of yet,unfounded, while thouroughly covering more “traditional“ areas of -diagnostic- interest i.e.

1. level of activity:over-or under-developed motor cortex;hyper or hypo-activity…with symptoms apparent from early childhood on- since kids, however smart, cannot compensate for all those deficits…when adults barely can!!!

2. impulsivity: pronounced lack/weakness of impulse-control on any and all of the following areas:a) difficulty or factual inability to suppress, regulate or suspend a reaction to emotional stimulus;
b)difficulty (add. see above!) regulating an impulse to act [right now!!] following any inter- or ex-ternal stimulus…starting from childhood, off course;-)

3. Attention/Inattention:difficulty to willingly, timely,and specifically- according to reason, insight of neccessity and/or according to an established plan direct ones active attentive faculties, often [falsely and often tragically!] believed to hinge on “interest“ or “motivation“ while in actual fact painfuly independent of such manipulative premeditations and calculations and rather frustatingly random, irrational,destructive even, popping up for absolutely no rhyme or… ,well, reason…difficulty following and/or reproducing any given order along with the associated consequences…;-)

4. Varied symptoms- associated mainly with two of ADHD’s predecessor diagnoses M(inimal)C(erebral)D(amage)=(ADD)
H(yper)K(inetic)D(isorder)/HKS~same in German: pronounced deficiency in motor skills to the point of dyspraxia,(severe) dis-organisation,apparent forgetfulness…and some other things…

…anywho…people who underwent a more… traditional diagnostic process, often several years ago, tend to exhibit a more severe manifestation or form of ADHD whereas people with very late, and that is also bstrong> recent diagnosis, tend to be less handicapped in their everyday-life with ADHD. And that normally includes employment of some sort.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by A-Hörnchen. Reason: trying to find my initial point...*looking around,twiggling thumbs*