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You might want to tell her that you will reconsider after she has got help and is able to manage her ADD. She has probably been self medicating and she has developed all kinds of dysfunctional coping mechanisms that affect her behaviour. She may need you to reaffirm her diagnosis and support her by helping her to forgive herself for her past behaviour. You may want to focus on supporting her child from a distance. I think you could really help her by stepping right back (divorce if necessary) but observing her from a distance. You getting involved in her treatment will probably add complications and confuse her even more. Sad story. Good luck.