Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

#50260
siggy
Participant

Read DebCanada’s post carefully. Now read it again. If you are considering a long-term relationship with this guy, this is likely to be your life. Remember that anything wrong with your relationship is likely to get much, much worse if you marry him. We are all on our best behavior while dating. All of us. And explanations are fine, and can be comforting, but they can become excuses for not participating in a relationship. ADD people can be on time. They can call when they say they will. They can be organized. It is harder for them than others, but it is not impossible. It sounds like your guy may be perfectly happy the way he is, and that is a big danger sign. Once we understand the reasons we have problems with things, we can take one of two forks: we can take responsibility for our behavior, or we can coast along using explanations as excuses. You can tell right now which type most represents your man. And if you think you can make him into one who takes responsibility, think again. You can force him to behave that way in short spurts, but he will resent your forcing him. He’ll promise to do better just to keep you happy. But if he is not the one choosing for him to be responsible, he won’t keep up the behavior. And he will slide back without constant reminders. If he is not the type to take complete responsibility for his behavior on his own initiative, you will be spending your life as a policeman. You will be forced to turn into a nag to keep your life on track. And he will begin to regard you as a nag, and resent you. No matter how much you love him, if he’s not a responsibility taker, 100%, then know that your life is going to be hell. You choose.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by siggy.