Reply To: Son has no interest, no motivation. I’m out of ideas.

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parentcoachjoyce
Participant

What about coming up with a contract stating the conditions for him being able to live there now that he’s out of high school (e.g., full time school or full time work, certain chores, certain amount of “rent”, etc.) Also, if you are paying for internet, devices, etc, then that is something else to re-think. As an “adult”, he needs to realize those things cannot be taken for granted anymore; they must be earned. I agree that until/unless he truly has a reason to change, he is likely to keep doing what he’s doing.

I know it’s hard to consider the alternative if he breaks the contract. No parent wants to risk their kids being homeless. But at this point “hoping” he gets his act together might not be enough for him and you will be doing him a favor by showing him how things are in the “real world”. Enabling him at this point is not going to help him at all.

That being said, remember that kids with ADHD are several years behind developmentally, so regardless of the fact that he graduated from high school, he is probably still at a 15-16 year old level in some ways. This doesn’t excuse things but it does shed some light on why he’s not in “I’m an adult now and ready to take on the world” mode yet. He’s likely still in a 15-16 year old mode of “video games are more fun than jobs.”

Still, a contract outlining your expectations and clear boundaries is a step in the right direction.

Joyce Mabe
Parenting Coach, school counselor, mom of adult son with ADHD, author
website: http://www.parentcoachjoyce.com