Reply To: how do I talk to my undiagnosed husband about his self medicating?

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#48105
lornagillians
Participant

Suzy, Thank you so much for your input here to Magicleap. It is very insightful, and helpful. I, too, am wondering if my “partner” of five years has the same problem. He certainly seems to be “different”, but it is his difference that I liked in the beginning. I relate to that, as I have always been somewhat different in my family. I am artistic, sensitive, empathetic and don’t run with the herd, am a bit of a rebel. I enjoy being different – I can never understand why people confo rm to other people and do not use ther own brain and intuition to have their own unique thoughts and opinions. However, what really worries me about him is that he has a huge drink problem, and smokes cigarettes, although he never does when I go to stay with him. That presents it’s own problems, of course, because he then withdraws and gets ratty and angry and usually picks a fight over nothing and throws me out after about 3 days together – presumably so he can have a drink. I do love him. He is otherwise a sweet, gentle, caring man, who is eager to do anything for anyone – too much, sometimes, I think. We don’t see much of each other, as we are over 3 hours drive apart, which suits him fine, but I worry about him and am trying really hard to get him to either cut down or stop the drinking, which I am afraid will kill him. He is 64 and I am 68. I have read loads of stuff on alcoholism and psychology, and really think this may be the missing piece to the puzzle. I know he will not change unless he wants to, but having said that, it is not easy, by any means, to change without an enorous amount of outside help, which he does not want. He says he DOES want to give up the booze, and live a normal life, but I can see that he uses it as medication to ease his problems. He gets very lonely, has no money, has no real friends (apart from his female neighbour who comes around to drink with him) and gets very depressed – although booze makes this worse, in fact. Suzy, do you think it would help if I suggested that ADHD may be the problem – or will he get angry? He does already know he has Anxiety and OCD. Could counselling for ADHD help, in your opinion? He may not need to drink so much if he can cope with his symptoms with therapy. I’d really like your opinion, please. Lorna