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OMG – this is how I feel. If I ever bring up that I feel “ignored,” “unloved,” “neglected,” anything that seems like it would be criticizing him, even though it’s just me trying to express my feelings and needs and in no way am I trying to attack – he just flies off the handle. He tells me “Nothing is ever enough for you!” “Of course I love you, I married you!” “Nothing is wrong!” “You just want drama!” It honestly makes me feel crazy, and I start to believe the things he says, and yet I can’t shake the feeling of being ignored or neglected. Especially when he had been very capable of showing me nurture and affection in the past, and still capable of showing our dogs and toddler nurture and affection.
He is undiagnosed, my husband. He briefly mentioned some years back thinking he had it – and I brushed it off, wanting him to feel assured that everyone gets distracted. But I wish I had not done that – and now he turns to various substances to manage. I don’t know how to talk to him about “why” he’s using substances – to get him to face the truth..
At least your partner knows he has ADHD .. is he on medication?