Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?


Hi, I couldn’t sleep last night after looking at your post! Not your fault, but had to write a post to let you know my story as it sounds just like your story. When I fell in love with my husband in 1996 I knew I was lucky to be finding him and he was everything I wanted in a husband, partner and friend. He swept me off my feet with so much attention and love and I thought I deserved this and that would be the end of the story. What ended up happening is almost like a nightmare to me to this day. When we got married in 2001 I had a few incidents of verbal abuse but didn’t know it was verbal abuse, just thought it was isolated incidences. Being that we worked together, I knew how successful he was, how we were so in sync with each other I had no clue as to how I would be questioning everything in life at this point. For the first 14 years he drank alcohol and would rage at me when he got drunk and finally on the day he was diagnosed, he quit drinking with fear of losing me and our marriage. My husband was diagnosed at age 58 and asked the doctor for some sort of medication for depression. The doctor sent him home with a prescription for Adderall. He told me it was for depression, but since I had an adopted son who had ADHD I knew why he had prescribed this for him. He called up the doctor and the doctor proceeded with why he thought he had ADHD. He took the medication and felt so much better and for once in our married life I didn’t have to push him to go to work. He never bothered to learn why he was on the medication, just took it as I poured over every detail of our life. Besides dealing with a different lifestyle (one with no alcohol- I never drank)and depression which followed for the next year. We thought no alcohol and the Adderall would make things better for both of us. The verbal abuse got worse and it was so random and over stupid things and I never knew why he was doing it. He abused me just in private and was the charming wonderful man in public but it was hell at home. He would even do it on vacation and right before a big trip and after all these episodes he would apologize and swear he would not do it again only to find one week later he would do it again. He even went to anger management classes and was a perfect student in the class and then he would come home to me and do it again. To this day, we are in separate bedrooms and I know he thinks he will not do it again but I know different. I have lost my respect for a man who just won’t stop berating me and where I go from here I do not know. We did counseling for the first 14 years and I was always the one with the problem and he always ended up looking good. I was told by a therapist that once there is abuse we cannot go to therapy together as the woman always ends up being abused all over again. My advice to you is to RUN, as far as you can away from this man, as my life has been hell and there is no good that will come to your life with a man who refuses to treat his wife like this.