What you are going through is very common! I can’t tell you how many parents I work with feel the same way you do (and I also did when my son was younger)!
The most important thing for you to keep in mind is that what causes our emotions is not circumstances, what happens to us, or what others are doing (or not doing)–It’s actually our thoughts that result in emotions! This is actually really good news because while you can’t control or change what your son does or doesn’t do, you CAN control and change your thoughts about it…and when your thoughts change, your feelings will change.
So, you don’t have to be “strong”, or to suppress your emotions. You just have to recognize that when you are feeling a certain way, it’s because of some thoughts…and as soon as you start “looking” at those thoughts, questioning them and replacing them with thoughts that are perhaps more true (like in the example of the thought ‘he’s doing this on purpose’), you will immediately start to feel better. Also, if you can try to stay in the moment and just deal with things as they come up (and stop yourself when you start worrying about what might happen), you will start to feel better.
I wish you the best!
Parenting Coach, school counselor, mom of adult son with ADHD, author