I could have written the same post as you. It has been impossible for me to find the line between partnering with my spouse and mothering him. I understand why he does what what he does. I have 2 kids with adhd as well. It doesn’t make it easy to accept my husband’s behavior and not build bitterness. Right or not, I decided I wasn’t not his mother. Of I want something done, I’ll do it myself. He will suffer the consequences of his actions. However, it leaves me exhausted and bitter. I have my husband and both kids dependent on me to meet their needs, pick up all the slack… He decides to spend all his time off work playing video games instead of interacting with his family, and when he does interact, he’s snappy and grumpy. He is the one who ends up alienated from his children. Everything still affects me. The kids never go to him for comfort or their needs. But, I have no control of his actions. I also feel like “I’m going to burst”. What is a reasonable in a spouse role vs. parent/child?