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Hi Dee
I’m sorry to say, but the medications don’t help much with the emotion part. They can even exaggerate it.
But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the relationship!
We tend to think that relationships are over when someone leaves.
But I can say from experience that the people with ADHD that I know just need space sometimes.
In German, there’s a saying that if you want to keep a bird, let it fly. Then it will come back to you on its own.
I think that is what we ADHD-ers need sometimes: space.
I know there has been times in my 36 year marriage that I have just needed “space”.
I needed to live on my own for awhile to be able to come back and meet the challenges of the relationship. Sometimes it was 6 weeks, sometimes 3 months. But afterwards I came back and it worked.
Of course, in that time I worked on being able to handle the relationship better. Like taking courses and getting coached. Maybe you could suggest a “time-out” for both of you, tell her you will get help for the emotional issues, learn how to solve conflicts in a more productive way and give a time limit. Ask if you could meet again after that time and do a “trial run” to see if the relationship would work better. Tell her you’re sorry if you overwhelmed her.
Sure, there is always two sides to a relationship and she surely has her own issues to work on. But she has to want to do that. So your only option is to work on yourself if you want to stay together.
These are only suggestions that worked for me. Maybe there are other possibilities out there to explore for you. It might help her just to know that you are planning to work on it. But if she wants to fly anyways, then let her. She just needs that.