If the school “strongly feels” he should attend a meeting or all meetings, then I think it’s okay to give it a try. However, whether he’s in attendance or not, he has a condition that impacts major life skills and creates a barrier to his learning. And, as the law is written, he is entitled to accommodations to remove barriers so that he has the same learning opportunities as any average child would. So, it’s not okay for the district to pull or deny a 504 Plan and it’s not dependent on other conditions such as meeting attendance and medication. Maybe he’ll feel just slightly less self-conscious or negative about his accommodations if he’s part of the planning process. And, as he graduates H.S., I’m guessing that you will want him to do the self-advocating they want to see him doing now…so this can begin that process.
But, don’t doubt your decisions based on what you’ve heard so far! You’ve been his advocate and need to be to get him to the next step where he’ll willingly take that role. The school can’t deny a 504 Plan or make their own conditions for obtaining one, as it’s already his right.
It could also be that he needs more in his accommodations so that he’ll see how they help him (I’m guessing it’s more than annual state testing accommodations). As for medications, there may be an option that works for him and doesn’t hurt him physically (e.g.: weight loss). I think the next four years will be a journey for you both and possibly his new school and teachers! 🙂 Keep “reminding” them, as it’s going to make a difference in your son’s education and future. Good Luck!