Reply To: Son, Sophomore in High School

Allison Russo

This reply was originally posted by user Lean~In in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

Check out the article, then vent as you need:

Note: You do not have to get used to ANGER. Set your limit. Respect is expected. Let him know your limits and the consequences for outbursts. If this is a learned behavior, then maybe he has mastered your lesson already.

Get some exercise. Shoot some hoops. Run. Tennis? Chess? Hockey? You do not have to be good. (Read Mary Oliver’s poem, Wild Geese)

My question: Why would you treat him like an adult? He’s not. He is a young man learning to adjust to the growing list of responsibilities, family, friends, school and after school work.

Even adults have someone tracking them. Teach him. Show him what you do. Show him how to make lists, use a ledger, plan a week, color code a calendar. Ask him what it would feel like to be in control, on track, without your Dad on his back? Would he want to feel good, feel that way, on a regular basis?

Suggestion: Sit together – make a plan.

Ask HIM for suggestions. What would work best for him when planning homework, after school activities etc? Be prepared to have your list of suggestions, ADHD methods and Apps, which you can present. There are many here on this site. ASK HIM. Get his input. What would work best for him?

A once a week family Conference clears the way. There will be difficulties but the idea of a Conference, it sounds adult-like. smile Stay on topic. Bring a list. By the way, he can call/request a conference too. It’s an official way to discuss an school issue, personal difficulty or share a celebration.

Bring it to a close with: “What can we learn from this meeting?” by restating the facts. Write it down. File it. Show him.

AND PLEASE do not weigh him down with the college stuff. It’s his life and it’s tough. The trend these days in business is to ‘be in the moment’. This is important. He will not know his passion until his curiosity is triggered. Take him camping, to the beach, to museums, etc. Drive through a college campus if you must. Libraries are beautiful. Concerts/performances will inspire. It won’t be long until he will not travel willing with you anyway. Sorry, ADHD or not.