This reply was originally posted by user Mitzi McPike in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
I have to say reading your post I felt exhausted for you and I felt myself cringing. I used to be a lot like your husband. I never had any car accidents, but I was definitely out of control except I didn’t know I had ADHD until I was 49.
You mention he is finally taking medication. Congratulations! The right medication can make a world of difference. I hope he is feeling better and slowing down.
Something to remember with ADHD is that you are dealing with an imbalanced brain. The imbalance causes symptoms. Like your husband I had a “non-stop” motor. I operated full speed ahead 24/7. I also had symptoms of extreme anxiety, impulsiveness, overreactiveness and would lash out in fits of rage. I believe immaturity is par for the course. Maturity is very difficult with an imbalanced brain.
When I was diagnosed I had this image of driving down the highway going 65mph with my hands on the steering wheel with no brakes. I realized for the first time in my life just how terrified I was. I had no control over my body. This may or may not be true for anyone else with Hyperactive/Impulsive Type, but I didn’t realize this until I started on Ritalin. Then I calmed down on the inside. I felt for the first time what being grounded was like.
The right medication is definitely a plus with managing ADHD symptoms. Sometimes you have adjust the dosage. The fact that he is finally willing to try it is huge. I hope it works well for him.
Something else to consider since you are looking into all options is Neurofeedback. This is a simple and painless way to bring balance to the brain. It is recommended to have between 20-40 sessions. I had 24 sessions and it brought permanent balance to my brain.
I no longer run on impulse, absolutely no anxiety (which is unbelievable because I lived in a chronic state of anxiety til I was 49) no issues of rage and wake up every day feeling grounded.
In fact the only time I have felt truly anxious in the past year was when I was hospitalized with pneumonia and close to death (definitely appropriate then), but it passed quickly when I learned I would live.
Neurofeedback definitely works different for everyone, but the beauty of it is that you don’t do it forever.
You know I come across people almost every day that run on motors. In fact my husband’s best friend has undiagnosed ADHD and I feel such gratitude. I no longer have a chaotic life. My outside world finally reflects my inside world.
Good Luck to you! This is a great site for support.