This reply was originally posted by user Abner in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
I hear your frustration. My hubby doesn’t “get it” when I speak to him in everyday passing. He is more likely to “get it” when I speak to him in time that we have set aside to really talk. It seems to sink in better then. He almost always gets it if I can figure out a way to put him in my shoes, usually by figuring out how to do the same thing to him and then kindly pointing out the situation. This can take a while for me to figure out and implement. If these fail, I try to make it his problem by not going behind him and fixing “it.”
With the kids, I am honest and explain what is going on. I try to give them the ability to speak up for themselves and deal directly with their father and not use me as the middleman and I remind them of his positive qualities and remind myself why I fell in love with him.