Reply To: My Husband Can't Keep a Job

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Hope @ ADDitude

This reply was originally posted by user Lilies&Orchids in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

Similar situation here. Intelligent. Nice guy. Done well in his career. Yet multiple layoffs. Never quite sure of the reason but I know he has communication and relationship issues at work. He wouldn’t believe that was the issue but it makes me wonder. Two layoffs in the last 11 months and 3 moves (one was international). Our kids are much older and just see this as how life goes.

Yes, headhunters are helpful for ADD folks. What also helped for us is applying my organizational and motivation skills to the job searches. We brainstorm on what is possible. I give suggestions to organizing the search like suggesting he put together a spreadsheet of contacts and keeping the history and next steps on it like who needs to be followed up with next, will it be email, phone call, invite to lunch? We touch base and discuss what is on the spreadsheet and what should happen next. He explains how contacts and interviews went. I attempt to explain what it sounds like happened between the lines that he missed. He still owns the search and I don’t nit pick every conversation but I know that he is being more efficient and effective with my help. (Although I just discovered that all of this distracted him from refilling his ADD meds and he’s been going to some interviews without taking his meds!! I’m now in the process of moving the contact info for his refills with the pharmacy to my account so I can keep track because this is an ongoing issue.)

We have also used these times to relook at his career and determine what his strengths and weaknesses are, if he could create a job for him, what would that look like and is it possible? What size of a company should he work for? (for him larger because that means there is more structure, a more defined job description, and less wearing of multiple hats and “winging” it.) This has now steered his search for a previous role (some might see it as a step back) but one we hope will be better suited to him, he will feel more successful at it and we will have more stability.

He’s had about 4 interviews in the last two weeks so feeling positive about it currently…just got to keep him on his meds!

Use the positive side of worry that us non-ADHD spouses go through to problem solve. At this point I wonder if I should become a career counselor, I’m getting so much experience. Go do something fun to take your mind off of things for a bit. xoxo