This reply was originally posted by user GaryS in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
I’m a newly diagnosed ADHD sufferer and yes I agree with a lot of what has been said. I am extremely hard work to live with and sometimes I just want to be left alone and I’m sure on occasions I haven’t been supportive enough. BUT I’m very loving! Ask my kids and grandkids that. I’d do anything for anyone. Yes, I can be moody but I bet so can anyone. My administration and paying bills is totally useless and left alone got into serious debt once. I forget things quite regularly which annoys people but it annoys me to. I lose focus, which I wish I didn’t. I know now I wasn’t the best husband in the world but at the time I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. To me, it was never my fault, always someone else’s. I sometimes get stressed and agitated when conversations get serious and I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sure there are plenty of other things I could add but as I say I forget things. I also run a business and employ people to work with me.
This sounds really bad, doesn’t it? And if you don’t think you can handle that, which as the others have said, it’s only a new relationship! Go and look for someone else.
I bet you’re wondering why I’m saying this this, well I’d like to tell you from an ADHDer’s perspective. I knew from an early age I was different, I was treated like a thicko at school, always sent from the class or put on detention. I’ve never read a book in my life because I can’t concentrate long enough. I can’t even read the paper properly because I always jump to the bottom and miss loads. I could never sit still for 5 mins. The teacher would tell us to do something but most of the time I couldn’t focus enough to hear what they had said.
I had kids early. When they started school my wife said to me that she thought one of them had ADHD. What the hell is that, I thought, but as I learnt more about I saw things about myself but again, nah can’t be me.
I was very active then but not now. It started affecting my relationship and my wife sent me a not so nice email saying I was something or another (I can’t remember what) but when I read it there were things that really hit home about what I was like, so knew I had to get help, that’s when I was diagnosed with ADHD.
What did I do about it?
I’ve started taking medication which has helped me focus more. It’s not a cure but it helps. I have read this site and taken a lot of advice from people’s experience. I write down what I need to do the next day. I have downloaded an app called Wunderlist. It helps because the jobs stay on there until you’ve done them. My family know what I’m rubbish at so don’t let me do it e.g. Paying bills, the things I’m bad at. At work my staff know I suffer from ADHD I don’t hide it. They are amazing. They do all my paperwork, write my cheques and get me to sign them. This advice I got from an ADHD coach. As I’ve said it’s not a cure and I still have bad times but these things have helped and it only helps if your partner admits he has a problem and Wants to get help.
I can see that you love him or you wouldn’t be on this forum.
Oh, one last thing. If you married and had kids they may also have ADHD, could you cope with that? Because it gets a lot harder.
If you decide you could, then it’s all about team work, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.
I wish you all the best and good luck!
- This reply was modified 4 years ago by Hope @ ADDitude.