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This reply was originally posted by user ADHDmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
Yes, 20 years married, and I’d do it again. My husband has not been diagnosed with ADHD, but our son has and all of my husband’s “quirks” made complete sense once I learned more about ADHD.
Mind you, I’ve been obsessed with learning about ADHD for 8+ years. I have far more knowledge and understanding of ADHD than almost anyone who doesn’t have it. But, I’ve poured probably thousands of hours into it.
Do things my husband does that are probably due to ADHD still frustrating? Absolutely! But, I know the pain isn’t intentional. And, the more he learned about our son, the more aware he was of his own actions and the more self-regulation he has been able to impose.
I’m not saying you should give your guy a 2nd chance necessarily, only you can decide that. Do read about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria though, it explains a lot about the extreme emotional reactions: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/10121.html. It explained so much about my husband.
Remember too, many of the people who say they wouldn’t do it again have spouses who refuse to accept their ADHD or refuse to treat it. That makes things a lot worse.
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism