Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

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#41042
Hope @ ADDitude
Keymaster

This reply was originally posted by user boilingfrog in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

Dear Mal,
I’m married 25 years to an ADHD woman. I would not do it again. Basically you will be dealing with this everyday for the rest of your life. The only people that go into these situations are exactly like you – kind, compassionate, patient, always thinking about others. The person you are talking about living with will not treat you that way even if they wish they could. Just because you can both work on it doesn’t take any of the sting of daily bad behavior.
About having kids. It’s not just about whether your kids will or will not have it, but parenting with an ADHD is hell. All those moments you think you can absorb because you are who you are will be inflicted on your kids, and it will get worse as they get older. Before you commit to this you should really explore other relationships and at the very least, live with the guy for a year before you put a ring on your finger.