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This reply was originally posted by user InconsonantDabbler in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
Thank you, Penny. I happen to believe that my meds work pretty well for me, and I think I have excellent social skills.(lol).I have no problem working with others or making friends or following along.
The problem seems to be, that numerous attempt of mine to express concern, or ask questions for my curiosity seems to backfire, and the reaction is usually a strong one from the other parties involved.
Either I keep running into folks who, without giving me a chance to explain my intention, take drastic actions( many a times without so much as a warning), Or I still have serious communication issues, I am probably unaware of.
I get my dental cleaning regularly done, so it isn’t that I have terrible breath or that I am off-putting, physically at least. I don’t believe I am rude, and honestly, on many of these short gigs, I have observed people who are rude more times than not, yet can avoid not getting fired.
Maybe an example would work better in this case. In one particular job, I had started work about a month later than other new hires in my training class. Right from my first day on the job, my lead decided to throw me into the same training classes as the other new hires. Not a single issue discussed all that second day made sense to me. Matter of fact, I could not stop my legs shaking(restless leg) throughout the sessions, and it seemed the training was in some foreign language. I popped, at least, 50mg of propranolol to keep myself from exploding. I quietly requested she allow me some time to read some documentations on the project – help me do some catching up before jumping back into the training classes. She nodded, and I took that to mean that she did receive the message. However, on day 3, She demanded that I continue in the training along with the others. I felt disrespected. So, I again stressed how torturous the first two days had been for me. Seemed she was convinced this was a tug-of-war.
I was surprised at the reaction but knowing that I had so much work to catch up on, I asked my manager instead for permission to focus on reading documentations. He agreed with me. But of course, the Lead did inform him of the situation, and it almost seemed her version included a statement or two about me not wanting to be on the team – I did not like my team members. I felt I was back in elementary school again—Why did she go that far? Why did she have to take offense with me trying to catch up so I can gain from at least some of the training going on?
I, of course, tried to clear things up, but it was all reported as a strike against me. The second strike was the email I had sent requesting more information on the project rumored to be in the pipeline.
Why do I keep running into these things? Why do I keep making these mistakes? Does this have anything to do with ADHD or is it simply that I need to learn just to go with the flow( Not speak up, or be myself)?
In the past two years, I have lost over five jobs, and it is taking a toll on my mind.I am beginning to feel more and more like a fraud, with each loss.