This reply was originally posted by user Udderlycrazy in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
My son is 16 and our school issues started at age 7, so I have been where you are. I wouldn’t jump right to that, unless homeschooling for other reasons is appealing to you. I have had thoughts over the years of homeschooling, but always as a last resort. My situation though was different as my son was more challenging at home rather than at school. Each time something came up at school we worked with them to come up with a plan and thankfully it has always worked out.
I would say try to work with the school first. You can try this approach which has worked for us. Ask for a meeting with the principal, social worker, and teachers.
If you think you are going to be too emotional bring someone with you (spouse, good friend) that can help you keep calm and take notes. Let them know ahead of time who you will be bringing and that it is just to support you. (This is no different from a loved one coming with you to doctor’s appointment to discuss difficult medical decision/issue.)
Start the meeting by saying this recovery room thing isn’t working and you are sorry this is causing them more trouble (if you’re like me this may stick in your throat as you say it, but trust me, this is the way to go) as this may have worked with other kids but as we all know it isn’t working here. Since you guys know more about this than me, what are some other things that you have used? The most I can offer at this time is to tell you some things that have worked at home (even if you have a million other ideas just stick to this for now).
I realized after several long and frustrating years that this is the best way to approach these things. I remember being counseled by others to do this and fought it for so long, which ultimately only made me more anxious and defeated and at times making me think I was going crazy.
One other thing I learned was to ask early on if your child can be involved in the meeting(s). He doesn’t have to be there for the whole thing but at least be brought in to discuss his concerns and if he has any ideas on what he thinks would work better. It doesn’t mean they have to follow his suggestions but the reality is if he is involved in the decisions he is more likely to comply. You should check out Dr. Ross Greene’s website — he is a big proponent of involving the child.