Reply To: The Work Place and ADHD (help and advice please)

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SilverArrow93 I would like to share a few additional insights over what have already been suggested.

It seems clear from what you say your mum’s level of acceptance of you is dependent on the level/quality of your behaviours. The implications of this go back a long way to your childhood. Research shows that children that grow up in homes where they are raised on conditional love which is they will be accepted if they behave a certain way grow up with diminished self confidence and strong perfectionist traits. This is as opposed to children that grow up in homes where they are treated to unconditional love which is that they will be loved and accepted in-spite of their shortcomings. The implications of strong perfectionist traits is that you maybe too hard on both yourself and on other people. If you become self critical or critical of others this could have significant effect on (1) your own self esteem and self confidence (2) on your relationships.

So what can you do? The first thing to do is to start to treat yourself to self compassion and stop being harsh with yourself. Accept yourself for the things you can do and don’t worry about trying to do things you can’t. also, practice compassion to others. Visualise yourself doing the things you can do well and over time your self confidence will rise.

Also, take charge of your relationships and remove any critical or toxic relationships you can from your life. With relationships that are essential to keep like that with your mother take charge of them and have clear boundaries in place that will keep you from getting in each others ways and starting to enjoy more positive relationships.

Lastly, be aware that you are being overextended in the sense that you may have too much to do and try and ensure you have time for yourself to recover. Time for going to the beach, watching YouTube videos and just resting. Without time for fun and recovery criticism even when it is just very mild can be hard to take.

Also, if you feel you need professional help consider getting a coach who understands your issues to work through them with you