I can understand self-medicating. Prior to my ADHD diagnosis at 33, I used alcohol often to self-medicate my ADHD symptoms (anxiety and depression are also symptoms of my ADHD – ADHD is my root cause).
I tried marijuana, but it made my symptoms worse (could be strain), but I’ve noticed it typically helps the male ADHDers, whereas alcohol helps the female ADHDers (in my experience with ADHD friends and family).
Unless my ADHD is under control (with the right medication/dosage/long-lasting/etc), my drinking could never be under control (maybe for a few days or weeks). When ADHD is root cause, it must be treated if you want to stop the marijuana use.
My opinion is you keep looking for another psychiatrist who will diagnose you and treat your ADHD with the right medication for you. You are the paying customer.
When I mentioned ADHD to my PCP, she said I “didn’t seem the type.” Not enough doctors are knowledgeable about ADHD, especially in adults. I was armed with knowledge and kept pushing. Even my prescribing psychiatrist got a second opinion and both agreed I had ADHD.
Only you know your mind and body and what’s best. Good luck in your fight!