Reply To: Feeling overwhelmed by my spouse's ADHD

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#197054
jvcf
Participant

Your post was heartbreaking. My husband was diagnosed seven years ago. He is on medication. He has seen a therapist, although that is in limbo right now due to the pandemic. At times it’s helpful. The problem is that they just can’t retain everything. It is not okay however, for your husband to just give up working without telling you and dump everything on you. These are things that need to be discussed in a marriage. Forget starting a business, he needs to find himself a job. It is beyond unfair to you to be the sole bread winner plus handle everything else in your lives, and it sounds like it is a financial struggle for you. He has to be accountable to you, his family, and himself. You are letting him off the hook by allowing him to dictate what you do and how things are going to work in your lives. You need to see a therapist for yourself to get some guidance in handling all of this, or you’re going to burn out, and that’s not fair to you. You are a person, who is entitled to have a life and be happy too. You say your husband is a lovely man. I’m sure he’s not mean or anything, but what he is doing is not lovely. It is selfish and unacceptable. The lack of sex is also something we’ve dealt with in our marriage. This was unacceptable to me. We have worked on it and are finding a balance. It is how their brains work sometimes. You need to get help for yourself and start putting your foot down. Try talking calmly with him about the effect all of this is having on you and the relationship. He needs to hear this. If change is not going to happen, then you may need to consider ending the marriage. This is not a way to live for you or your family. I pray you can get some help and work it out with your husband.