I can relate to so much of this. I am not sure I have any solid advice, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. I am currently without a significant other and I have been feeling like I am doomed to be alone. I was married and divorced, but still connected until he died almost 2 years ago. I have tried dating apps. The one thing that I keep coming back to is the question of how do I make time to be in a relationship while taking care of my other responsibilities. I would like to give you major credit for being able to communicate and develop your relationship this far. I hope that the advice offered by Jaenta is helpful. I know it helped me when I was able to write my thoughts and feelings for my partner. I also used the smoke break until I quit smoking so now I am looking for other ways to take that break in order to reframe what is happening. I am trying to use the serenity prayer more often; even if you don’t pray, being able to see what is and is not within your control may help.
Give yourself credit for your efforts because as you know, we are our worst critic. Thank you for sharing because I feel a little less alone.