Hi benjammin. So relatable!
My man and I have had similar problems. He didn’t understand why I sometimes couldn’t hear him. He thought I found him boring, I felt bad, tried to explain, got frustrated, raised my voice, said I’m sorry like a million times and so on. When I finally got my diagnosis things changed, but it took some time. Knowledge and understanding is the key. I had to understand myself to stop beating myself up. He had to learn more about ADHD to understand me. Som we had to educate ourselves. It takes a whole lot of effort and a WILL to make the relationship work!
From what u wrote it sounds like u take the blame for your problems and that is NOT making u happy! We keep trying to be “good”, listen, keep it together, remember where we put things, not to lose focus, follow through, do one thing at a time… and when we fail, there is noone more dissapointed with us than ourselves. I don’t think normies understand that.
Does your boyfriend know about your ADHD? Is he interested in learning more about it? – YouTube is a great start (totally add is good and there are really good TEDtalks also).
You need to talk about your fears of losing him. Prepare – what do i want to know and say? (Some times it can be easier to write a Love letter. U get to really think everything through and he can’t interrupt😉) Talk when u both are in a good mood.
Communication tips för when u are arguing: avoid getting caught up in “I said this, and then u said…, and then…”
And take five. Half a cigarette is usually what it takes for me to view things differently.
I hope u understand what i wrote (i’m Swedish) and that it’s of any use.
PS. You deserve to be loved! Stay flawsome! 😉