great story well written . . . thank you. That weight will always be there, i know the feeling. The feeling that we HURT people we love in our past or at the grocery store five minutes ago is truly the worse part of ADHD. If there was no collateral damage i’d be just fine living in my own world / head. But the fact of our “anger, angst and anxiety” has on others is hell.
I hear you loud and clear that our wives often carry your past behavior with her. that’s human, so that pressure to be perfect is even more weight. This is a long practice, and when we Fu_k up we all get set back years, not days or minutes, it’s that big of impact for ADHD people, that over reaction to something silly is the same over reaction to making a mistake and the feeling of sadness or “damn I’m a loser, I’m weak, why cant i just fix me.”
your writing is excellent