I am also struggling to wait, as evident from me posting and posting and posting and pacing and pacing thinking about what to say. I’m hyper focused on <i>getting somewhere</i> I can’t work and can’t think about anything else. Perhaps it is rose colored glasses, but, I feel that before starting on this phase of my self improvement and discovering the label I was less unhappy. Ignorance is bliss etc etc.
After I discovered the label and all my symptoms were laid bare before me it was very joyous. And then I heard there was treatment that could work for me I was really really happy! And then when I looked in my medicine cabinet and didn’t see a bottle of non-stimulant medicine, and I don’t have these life skills yet, and everyday I’m still making the same mistakes, and I have more out going e-mails and calls for appointments than in going appointments, I’m more unhappy than before it feels. Even coming here feels like I’m just teasing myself and stringing myself out instead of healing. My partner is getting sick of the rumination too. Its all I’ve talked about for 3 months and I can’t stop.
So, to help me struggle less while waiting I’m trying to accept I just have to wait and be patient, I cannot will this process to go faster, to be less cynical and pointing our when I do all my symptoms, to work on exercise and ADHD life skills over pills, to attempt to engage in one of my hobbies and remember that life exists outside the struggle, to talk about it less.
All I can say is that I’m trying these, not that it is working (yet) of course.
We’re experiencing grief. We’ve lost so much. Its witnessing the death of the life we could have had and could have if only there were more opportunities. So, try using grieving advice like someone’s died. Much hugs from across the Atlantic.
Fake hope until you have it. I’ve said “tomorrow’s going to be a better day” for 8 years and now it is better in so many ways. Like being here instead of calling myself “dumb, lazy, and hopeless”. You can do this!
- This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by onaverylongpath.