Reply To: How to tell wife what I have discovered

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Thank you for being so honest and saying it how it is.

Please always be this person. Its not even about giving advice, its about sharing how it feels and what hurts.

I will give her the space. I don’t want to convince her as I know that would be me trying to control her and all she wants to know is that I can hear her and will honor her wishes.

The part that is making me want to throw up is that – reading more and more and understanding the parent child dynamic, and everything else is the EXACT thing we have been falling over for years and years. I sat in front of her 3 days ago. I had pages and pages of things printed out, stories, examples, links to podcasts. I started crying and said – “this is what has been happening, this is our story” – I acknowledge all the pain and hurt and have not said at all there is anything that she needs to do. That will and could come in time.

What I am trying to do is ask her, to listen, to read about what has been going on with out us being aware or conscious of it.

If the medication had not had such an impact on me, and she had not commented, I would not have even tried to talk to her. I would have stood up – and told her I am so so sorry and she deserves more. She is the most amazing human I know.

How can I ask her to listen to a podcast or read something? She is in quarantine in a hotel in Australia for the next 2 weeks then working in Australia for a week and then flying back to the USA. I don’t want to pressure her for a decision. But I want to push for her to see what I have seen in these pages and forums. This is so real it is scary. This is not me begging for another chance. Its my hope that while she recovers and heals she can understand that this ADD demon has been in our marriage all along.

I take full responsibility for what I have done and for what I need to do. I also know this is not going to be a walk in the park and change in the next 24 hours.

I just hope she is not so broken to see this information for what it is. She has girlfriends in her ear saying have some self respect, move on, blah blah, they don’t know this part of the story.

Or should I just let her go, have her time, and what will be will be? I value your opinion because I cant see much perspective write now.

Thank you