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That sounds like something you may need a therapist to help you untangle.
I would personally feel like if you don’t accept my kids then a relationship is inappropriate.
But it could be other forces at play here and not really that you don’t want to connect with her kids. It may be tougher for you. They may be inadvertently making it harder by not providing opportunity for connection. Maybe you haven’t had the opportunity to really get to know them enough to connect. Of course, it could be ADHD or other things or lots of things.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism