Hi Hannah, thank you for the thoughtful response.
Yes, I believe that must be a part of it. I was definitely anxious to fail “in the moment”, not overal. In the specific case of sales calls, I was more “afraid” of hearing rejection again, then actually failing and making no money – so I accepted the later without having to go through the former, probably because I already “knew” I would fail anyway – even though at the same time I knew this was not true, given I made enough calls. (I had some results, actually it was not a bad percentage, if I amped up the number of calls overall – so I knew that if I just did more of the same, it would actually work.) So in this case, fear of rejection overruled the “comfortable” quiet failing of having no money.
However, this is but one example. I had the same thing happen in my previous job, where I did not have to face rejection and did not even have to make many calls. And in my current job, I dont have to make calls at all, yet I still cant force myself to do things properly at times. I guess in these cases, its more about it not being interesting enough + me getting distracted by something. Its the same result, but a different core problem every time I guess… But I wonder how to break through it. I cant even keep a hobby. Even with things I know I like, I just drop them overtime. I feel like im just putting it off this one time, but then it turns into a year or two. Litteral hobbies – like horse riding for instance. I just dropped it, for no reason. I know I want to do it again, but its just “not enough” of a dopamine kick anymore?
This was true for me even with super addictive things – I used to play MMORPG World of Warcraft for many years. But I could never actually establish a routine and play for more than 3 months. I took a break for half a year, my progress lost all value… and so on. Even in the virtual world I had the same problem, lack of sustained effort making me fall behind people who were much “worse” then me during the time I was active…
Edit: also, what do I do? If I am indeed motivated (because every day I force myself to be hopeful despite all odds and try again) but end up messing up – how do I “fix” it? I thought about jumping from project to project to stay motivated – but honestly, 2-3 months are not enough for anything important 🙁
- This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by petrjfnovak.