My partner and I both have ADHD, but does it matter ? You have a relationships with an individual. I find knowing she has ADHD helps avoid frustration, as her behavior can be challenging, but I remind myself so can mine
A diagnosis has a value in terms of prescribing medication and understanding behaviour. But I get your husband , as many, might want to avoid labels as they can be used as excuses to avoid developing coping mechanisms. I don’t know if that is a fair assessment, truth is you know your family dynamic better than we do. What is it exactly that bothers you ?