i relate to this. it’s really tough to constantly feel in danger of losing your social relationships.
first, please consider getting a new doctor or a second opinion – it sounds like your current one has some problematic biases. consider seeing a therapist if you have the resources, too.
i find it really helpful to freewrite on a regular basis: just to write or type every thought or feeling i am processing as it passes through my brain, without judgement or going back to edit. you can destroy or delete it afterward, but since i know processing things in words helps me, this prevents my unloading on another person in order to complete the processing. then i can interact with others with a slightly more settled mind. if you hate writing and can get some time alone, i occasionally set a five minute timer and rant to myself out loud (quietly). i am often surprised by what comes up, and feel just as glad to do this on my own so that i can have deep, mutual conversations with friends instead of needing to do this with them. i can ask them questions and really listen to the answers.
most importantly: just let yourself off the hook, my friend. i perceive a lot of pain and shame in your post, and i so empathize, but you don’t deserve to have to carry that around just because the world wasn’t set up for people like us. be kind to yourself. forgive yourself when you drop the conversational ball, miss a cue, or hyperfocus on your own stuff. we all do it!
take care x