Wow. To me. it is so incredible that you have done so well with your children.
Diagnosis: SELFISHNESS?? How dare they??.
Oh my Lord. Thank goodness you hung in there to support the child you realized was struggling to do his best. As the phrase pops up on the ADDitude website:
“Your child is not trying to give you a hard time. Your child is HAVING a hard time”.
Kudos to your whole family for hanging in there to find effective solutions to problems and for trusting your knowledge of your own dear child, (now, at 17, nearly grown!)