Reply To: Hope for relationship with well managed ADHD?

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lynneiha
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I actually have a solid, loving relationship w/my boyfriend/common-law husband of eleven years. I am the off-the-wall ADHD person, who can’t be on time, keep a job, keep a house clean, or keep records-such as taxes. My ADHD is unmanaged at the moment, but I have had nine years, managed well w/Vyvanse, during the major part of our relationship, and only lost my meds because my psychiatrist AND my general practitioner retired two years ago. As my boyfriend would say, “It’s all been downhill since then”.
I’ve finally found a good psychiatrist who seems willing and ready to give me my meds again. Our first real appointment is New Year’s Eve, and the prospect of finally getting again what I’ve needed for two years, is very exciting.

Ok, honestly, I don’t know why my partner puts up with me.

I am messy, incredibly forgetful, always late, always too loud and dropping things, lose anything and everything, and our main interests in life are very different.
I think the biggest negative has been that ever since I stopped Vyvanse, I haven’t been able to keep a job. And, more and more, we NEED that income. But we have a very sincere and strong love: we have been through a LOT in the past eleven years.
I don’t understand how HE can believe I am so challenged by a neurological disorder that can wreak so much havoc, when I can hardly believe it myself!
I have high hopes for being able to search and find a job once the Vyvanse kicks in. I need that for my self-esteem, as well as our income. Even more, I need to be contributing to our relationship and to the world, in general.
My partner certainly has his issues that are serious, and unending also, and I readily put up with that. So, I guess that, with lots of love, makes it work out.

Things may or may not work out for you guys, but at least you have a “heads up” on what your problems may be. That’s more than a lot of couples have, as they go into partnerships with blinders on. I certainly would not rush into a committed relationship though. Your boyfriend can’t be “fixed” to be a neurotypical mate, but there is a lot of hope for him “improving” in his areas of concern.
And of course, there are all the good things about ADHD that you can read about in the ADDitude blogs. I’m not discounting that good stuff.
It’s simply that, in my life so far, the negatives have tended to outweigh the positives in ADHD. I guess I’m not evolved enough yet. What the heck, what’s another 60 years?