Reply To: Being with an ADD partner and not being intimate anymore

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#189740
Le Petite Morte
Participant

Oh hun this is so crap! I’m so sorry for you having to experience this.
I’m kinda having a similar thing but I haven’t discovered cheating yet, it may happen.

Ok two things.
Firstly just because he has ADD does not give him an excuse to cheat, in what was a committed relationship.
Any guy who does this isn’t being truthful with himself and it’s a choice. It really is.

The other thing is it’s that’s dopamine hit, that they are chasing and to an extent I imagine it’s maybe what couples feel when they cheat it’s the thrill.

The biggest question you must ask yourself is how is your relationship in other areas other than the bedroom. It it a codependent relationship at all? Is one of you the avoidant and the other anxious attachment type?

There are lots of reason why people do this. Unless there is going to be a transparency with the pair of you, it won’t be fixed.
I would maybe suggest that you get you & your partner to speak to therapy. I think your BF needs to maybe go by himself first. So that he can understand his relationship with cheating and why.

He probably prefer to That by himself than go together at first.

If it’s just a case of he’s bored in sex, start to have proper conversations about what really turns each other on and experiment.

Really at the end of the day he’s cheated, and you’ve got to ask yourself if his is someone that you could commit the rest of your life too?

We often want to fix men as women, but actually the real job is getting them to the support. Ask yourself though if he doesn’t want help, do you want to live a life that isn’t making you happy?

It’s his behaviour he’s got to take ownership for it not you! Seriously if he’s doing this now before you get married it’s only going to worse.

I have a friend who is now getting divorced from her husband for this scenario you are describing whilst living with him. Your just exhausting together. I really would re consider marriage or hold it off till all this pandemic over.

The world is in a chaos so it’s thought to make decisions like this and if your already doubting listen to your gutt.