Original poster –
I’m the ADD partner – now married 28 yrs but only diagnosed 18 yrs ago at age 35. As said above, the hyper-focus you mention doesn’t come back in the same ways – if it did we’d bottle it up! But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about my wife and our relationship in the same deep way – it just always seems to manifest itself differently at different times. My wife has learned how to recognize those through my own idiosyncrasies, and I have worked hard at being more mindful of her and her needs.
That being said, I’m in agreement with leftie22 and AdeleS46 here (I find their submissions particularly insightful on these threads). His behavior here isn’t necessarily connected to his ADD. Treating you as he has is no way to be in a relationship where mutuality and respect are being given to him. This seems more to me like selfish and manipulative behavior. I have ADD and would never think of treating my wife or a friend in this manner. ADD or no ADD, hyperfocus or no, you deserve to be treated better than this. I hope this helps – I wish you well…