This response is a bit late in coming to you. I just joined. I read the other posts so this is for you if you’re still deciding and for anyone else that wants info.
I could have written your post, but I’m the wife that’s non add. Everything you said about your personality is me and the opposite is true about your wife and my husband.
We have been married for 13 years and have two kids (10&12). So, when Deep tells you to get out now, he’s not kidding. Another person posted that it should be removed. Well, that’s their opinion. A couple of people posted that you shouldn’t call your wife “abnormal”. Obviously they have never seen an MRI of a TBI and an ADD brain scan next to each other. Hard to tell the difference. Last time I checked TBI’s were abnormal. ADD behavior IS abnormal. If it wasn’t this forum wouldn’t exist.
So, here it is: ADD, ADHD, whatever you want to call it will ruin your marriage unless the ADDer chooses on their own to get help. The child/parent dynamic is huge without this. And that’s a death sentence. Are there success stories out there? You betcha! I don’t personally know any of them. I kind of wonder if they’re real, like aliens. Are they really out there? But, people swear they’ve had success so it’s probably true.
I’ve lived your life for 13 long years, but with the added responsibility of kids. My husband is not interested in managing his ADD; he just takes Adderall and drinks Monsters. He refuses counseling, exercise, dietary changes and binges on video games. Not cool. Oh. Do I sound angry? Right up there with Deep. Don’t tell me “it’s not their fault”. It is true that most people wouldn’t choose this, but they can choose to manage it just like any other disability or disorder. For heaven’s sake people with no hands don’t sit around waiting for us to do things for them, but for some reason, all of us non adder’s are supposed to pick up the slack for our spouses, fiancés, etc and not complain, but be patient. My patience ran out five minutes ago and this is what’s left. Not pretty is it? Either is untreated ADD.
So, my suggestion to you is the same as Deep: Get out now (if you haven’t already).