Reply To: I’m trying but I’m done.

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#186465
Mud
Participant

Hey. I know the boy in the post is in his teens by now and I wish you the best of luck. I know how frustrating it is. I stumbled across this post by searching for something different and felt I should comment. Anyway. I’m now 44 years old and have a four year old boy. He’s not a problem. All I can say that in the 70’s and 80’s I spent my entire childhood unintentionally frustrating teachers in particular and obviously my parents. You can imagine punishments back then were not so lighthearted as today. Not that I condone it as it simply does not work. Didn’t for me. That’s the thing, nothing will. The boy in this post has possibly no idea he’s doing it and I can pretty much guarantee he’s not doing it on purpose. I haven’t read the comments after, so don’t know any more info but felt I wanted to share this because although I feel for the parent, I feel more for the boy. I can tell you growing up not being liked by anyone, particularly parents, is horrible. He’ll adapt in time but it leaves a huge mental scar. Teachers would lock me in cupboards. Ha! I’d dread to think how many hours of my life I spent in corridors and outside the heads office. I had my own desk right next to the blackboard in many lessons. Barely did homework. I fell far behind. Did poorly in exams. I’m now an aircraft technician and have been for 20 years. Been around the world, etc, etc. I infuriated teachers by not even doing anything bad. I was just away with the faries 100% of the time. Nothing interested me other than sports and art. I hated being indoors but I was constantly grounded. Ha! Funny now thinking about it. I wasn’t vindictive or cruel to anyone. I didn’t accept bullying. Looking back I was very much my own person from the beginning. Much to my headmasters disgust I was voted head prefect by the entire school with an overwhelming majority. I cared for all the younger kids see because I thought all kids were hated. I thought that’s the way it was for kids, which I thought was unfair. That headmaster beat me until I pissed myself in front of the whole class because I was distracted by how sweaty the girls hand I was meant to be holding for a stupid play. He won the competition the year before and I was crushing his goal by just being my usual stupid, disinterested, bored self. So I get the frustration. My son is the same and it drives me bonkers. But it’s him and he’s so kind, loving, sharing, he’s a joy to be with but by Christ getting him to do anything can be infuriating. I bet the boy in this post also took ages to eat his food like my son and I used to. My parents would sit me on my own in the kitchen because I annoyed them by being what might seem to them like arrogance snd disobedience but I just happened to in that moment in time be lost thinking about building a den in my bedroom or how I’d like my spaceship to look when I bought one when I grew up. My sons the same. And I just treat him how I’d like to have been treated rather than the way I was. Regardless of how hard some people might be, they are them at the end of the day and we can only adapt around them. Expecting them to change is unfair. They are too emotionally immature (probably less mature than most kids) to understand. The sooner we just accept our kids for who they are rather than having to fit some sort of societal stereotype, the better futures will be for everyone. I constantly nag my boy. He says I talk too much. As you can tell. Haha! But eventually after months of bribing with biscuits, lollipops and the most powerful parenting tool of all. Big hugs. He starts doing stuff out of habit. Yeah I lose my shit with him at time. I find generally though if I explain to him in a mature way he gets it. Well better than losing my shit anyway. I barely have to tell him off now. I just nag and then reward with big hugs or a treat if he does what he’s told. I’ve always found it bizarre how we treat dogs with more dignity and respect than we do our children. Just send them bags of love and they will come round. I promise. Works on my son a treat and I’m the sort of guy that will bend over backwards if I’m treated with a little dignity and respect. It’s nice to be nice and nobody likes losing their shit with their children. Well most normal people anyway. Hope this helps someone, even if it is an old post.