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I have ADHD but am obsessed with being on time, and I have a similar problem with my mother; I too have suggested we leave at different times and her response is “Well there is no point going then is there”.
My mum has social anxiety issues related to PSD so she needs me there as a buffer, if people talk to her she can dump the conversation on me (which I hate).
You need to fund out what your sister expects of you, then think about what you are or arn’t willing to help with and then just set up clear boundaries.
It sounds like your mum just dors anything your sister can’t/won’t do for herself.
So for example if you don’t want to run around looking for her shoes every day (I wouldn’t either), tell her you will help her make an organisational system where she can find them easily, there are some good tips on this website for different organisational strategies.
You are being supportive but also pushing for independence.
Also just for yourself maybe look at a few of the parenting teenagers with ADHD articles, it might help you frame how you talk to her or approach subjects differently to help prevent arguments – it worked with my 50+ year old mum.