My son has had school avoidance and refusal for 7 years. It’s monumentally difficult. And online school is twice as challenging for kids with executive functioning struggles than in-person school.
The avoidance and refusal directly correlates to some challenge or difficulty, or to anxiety. There’s always a reason for it and it isn’t laziness, because kids do well when they can. They want to meet expectations and please others.
I would ask the school to do a formal evaluation and see if she qualifies for an IEP and more help from the school.
Also, if you can, hire a tutor to work with her on schoolwork so you can remove yourselves from the middle of that. It would help tremendously and prevent further damage to your relationship.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism