I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with this, it can take time to except these things. I’m 37yr stay at home mum right now, but untill 5 years ago I was working in an office dealing with big $ and had a massive work load. I was diagnoised at 14 so I’m used to my ADD.
I think it would be good for you to look into all the amazing things your ADD gives you, and yes there are some great things. start to look at this less as a problem but as a gift, I have practised cognative reconditioning many times and with ADD I think it really works, basicly come up with some positive things about yourself and your ADD and tell yourself them several times a day for several weeks. Your brain which is super powered will soak this up.
I don’t always take my meds either, but rather when I need them. I have found I am most creative off my meds and when on my meds I can turn this great ideas into reality.
As for work, yes I took my meds and I really needed to my work load was big, then when I was pregnant I couldn’t take my meds it was frustrating and I had to fall back on my copping skills. It is not a weakness to take your meds, look at it from someone else’s view such as your boss or wife, it helps them also. When I was prego I was training a man older then me who was studying Accounting for my job and when I came back to visit after bubs was born this bloke came and said to me “You are amazing, I never realised how much work you did. i don’t know how you did it. I still am not able to do all the work” it was a great complement and finally my boss admitted my role needed two people to do it. My meds made me an amazing worker and I had become the office go to person, I was it girl, I had worked there 4 years and and no uni training, I worked with people who had degreeses and had worked there 20 years but I was the person who understood how it worked. That’s you, you are the It Guy at work, but you need the meds to focus and unleash your amazing super brain and there is NOTHING wrong with that, your brain is Amazing Harness It!
I will say I have not told anyone about my ADD in about 20yrs, because of the stigma. But that changed recently when my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I came out to my In-Laws. The change in my son is wonderful, he is 6 and his behaviour was insane, I thought he was going to be kick out of school and each morning was such a pain just getting him there. Now he Loves school and his teacher loves him, his grades are rocketing upwards and he now it liked by his fellow students. He loves his “Happy day tablet” he is no longer in trouble at school and complains on the weekends that there is no school because all he wants to do it learn new things. It has unlocked his brain, and he is flying!
It is up to you if you take your meds or not, they are there to help you but also remember no one is perfect, no matter how normal they seem. Everyone has issues and problems, yours has a name ADD and you know this, many people in this world don’t know whats going on or how to get help. You are blessed with your mind, and learning how it works, don’t be hard on yourself. I agree with Dr Eric to pick and choose and test your meds.
I hope this help.