Bipolar here. You’ve pretty much nailed it already; your ego, or more specifically, the part of you that’s been socialized to believe what “normal” is, is failing you at the moment. Being of a particular age or success level has no bearing on whether your brain has developed to work the way our society has decided it ought to. For all science knows, humans can evolve to do a great deal more than we have up to this point and have been limited a great deal by insisting everything outside of the average is negative.
If the Adderall makes living in the present year more livable, avoiding it would be like insisting upon going into Target barefoot; the challenges around us have been mostly created by us, so there’s no shame in adjusting to them when they cannot be eliminated. Therapy, if you can find it, can help make sense of the weirdness involved with feeling drug-dependent.