I’m 29 years old male, with a diagnosis of ADHD and Type 2 Narcolepsy, aka comorbidity ADHD and Narcolepsy (2 disorders in 1 person). I recently was diagnosed earlier this year(2020) in March for both disorders, twice to make sure. I first self diagnosed myself through a ton of research before getting them diagnosed and it just fit in my life. Basically told everyone after weeks of research and they just thought I was overthinking things, making an excuse, or suffering from depression. With saying that, my life was tremendously very hard growing up. Even diagnosed now, no one really understands it, its hard to understand something they don’t have, I understand, they may think they do, but they have no clue.
About myself, I am Vietnamese born in America, middle of 3 boys, and 13 years later comes my sister. My parents born and raised in Vietnam then came over to America around early adulthood (15~19).
Examples of my life:
– I do before I think
– Argumentative, I can never stop talking back.
– Fidget a lot
– Always stressing, always
– Daytime sleepiness no matter how many hrs i sleep
– Daily sleep paralysis, night time and during the day
– Remember ALL my dreams, ALL and i dream a lot
– Sleep Hallucinations
– Making the same mistakes over and over
– Academic issues
– Very Emotional and sensitive
– Day dream through everything
– Never really enjoyed anything in my life
There are just so much more, but you get the idea, theres a lot!
Let me start out by saying this. My parents are Catholics or so thats what they believe they are.
I grew up with an abusive dad and a mom who has no power over my dad. The way my dad was raised, it was very strict, in Vietnam. Apparently, men of the family are basically the “King” of the family. What they say is the only way, no more, no less, what is, it is, your opinion does not matter so therefore shut up. In my family, my dad is the type of person when he tell you to do something, you just do it, no talking back, no walking away, stand there and shut up and if a word comes out your mouth, its a hit with broom, stick, belt, etc and a punch or a kick. Your opinion does not matter therefore its disrespectful to even give a comment, majority of the time, even a reply is disrespectful, walking away does not work, i tried multiple times. That itself without disorders is already bad, imagine a person with 2 disorders undiagnosed growing through this and constantly not being to control it. My siblings has no disorders, no problems, all educated, smart. They learn from their mistakes. Yay for them. Me? I was labeled as the problem child, a kid who is just disrespectful and a kid who do not listen and is always lazy. For as long I’ve ever could start talking, never have I ever could not stop talking back, give opinions and the result of that, physical and mental punishment. This is an everyday life in my life, never been a month without punishment for 29 years. I grew up with no emotional and physically support from my parents. What they believe love is, is the way they punish you is a way of their love for you. Punishment is used to teach their kids for them to learn. Well, woop, I never did learn from my mistakes, well I did, but I just couldn’t stop. I don’t have control over my actions nor my emotions. I was a very emotional kid, still am, but what can you expect, I am pretty much emotionally and physically broken. I was also always being called, a girl, even by my own family, including my pops since a kid to adult life.
I’ve always felt different growing up. I wasn’t able to do things as everyone did growing up, I was different, and the way I was being treated was unfair. There were times when I told my parents why they treat me so different, they denied it, when I was in my early adulthood. Then they continued saying they hit me more because they love me the most. Total bs right? Through my childhood, I always tell my family about my problems and they would say, kids go through the same thing, that doing bad in school is normal or that I’m just lazy and not trying hard enough or that school isn’t for everyone, some people just have slow mind and learning process, and it is normal, but if other kids can do it, you can too. For the longest time, I just shrugged it off, trying to believe I was normal as everyone, praying to God that my life will get better. Having faith in God is what kept me strong and believing it’ll get better before my diagnoses. I have suffered in the past and I still suffer now, doubting if there is even a God, in my life, that is anymore. There is more to this, probably another 10 more pages to all these suffering and examples, but I’m going to stop right there, but you get the idea.
Being an Asian American born and raised in America, I took ESL (English as second language) through out my school, elementary, middle, high school and even college. Never a straight A or B student. I almost failed High School, couldn’t pass the math/english 10th grade test for a long time, senior year, pass by 3 points. Went college for 8 years, changed major like 7 times, completely lost, unable to plan a future, dropped out.
When I was about 27, I have an uncle who just finished with nursing school, in one of our conversations, I talked about coffee, where when I drank coffee and I have the reverse effect as everyone else. I pretty much get sleepy and tired minutes after drinking it and can just pass out within seconds on a spot. He then asked me if I had ADHD, which was the first time I heard about it and told him not that I know of, so I didn’t really think about it much. Now I’m 29, lost, no future, emotionally and physically broken, no friends, no life, nothing, did research of all my problems I had in my past. I found my answer, but it was too late, in my situation, my way of life that I lived for the past 29 years. I didn’t have a good childhood, nothing near good.
After my two diagnosis, I told my parents. My dad response was, “I don’t care, don’t make excuses.” And my mom, “now you know you have it, just don’t do it.” That hurts me even more. The other day I told them about the symptoms and it is treatable to help with some symptoms but not curable. I was born with it, I will die with it. Their response, “Well we didn’t pay attention to you because we were too busy about the bills and etc” and some symptoms I have, they had it once in their life and I had my whole life, believing its nothing, God is the answer, prayer is the answer to everything, well nope, still had it. I also told them, being untreated so long, pretty much the result is to fail in life, they replied,” Well we didn’t know and now you have to learn how to support yourself.” How can I really blame them and not blame them? They were uneducated, they knew nothing about disorders, but then again, they were terrible parents who pretty much F my life. If I was diagnosed when I was younger, that would be nice and easier, but I wasn’t. All these problems, family relations, any relations was not in my control nor my parents. I do still think and know my life would be hugely different, but really can’t change it.
I know this wasn’t the Answer that I was suppose to include, it just happened. But currently I am taking 30mg adderall XR for the past about 3 weeks now. I went from 5mg as starting point, felt nothing, then to 15mg still nothing, then told my psychiatrist to give me 30mg. I think I will have to ask for an afternoon dose as well since the medication suppose to last up to 8 hrs, only lasts me 5~6 hrs at most. I sleep better, no daytime sleepiness, no sleep paralysis/ hallucinations, more focused as before, less sensitive, less emotional, and more calm. I wen’t from disturbed 12~15hrs sleep a day to 5~8 hrs sleep a night, no more waking up during the night times, first time actually sleeping through 5~6 hrs without any disturbance. But then again, mentally and emotionally wise, after 6 hrs, hello to being very moody, emotional, back to my ADHD self. Even on meds, there are limitations, I know that now, there are a lot things I am not capable of doing, I just can’t even if I tried. Learning more and more about myself now. After finding out I had this problem for 29 years and not being diagnosed earlier, no words can really can describe how I feel, but I’m just broken to the max. I have acquaintances who believe I deserve more because I am such a good person with an amazing personality, but that itself, is not much. I’m not sure how I can continue living like this with no supportive family. It’s hard, really hard to live in a life that is so dark and always filled with suffering. I wen’t through a lot, still do, but I need to accepting it and try to live as much possible as I can.
I know this is a lot, it is. It’s not even half of the story, too much pain. And I certainly hope everyone do not suffer anymore than I do. No one, NO ONE, should ever suffer like I did. I’m just one of those unlucky child in an unlucky family. Lived it, keep my head up, and keep going as much as I can.