Have you checked out the Website, the ADHD effect on marriage?
There are some good tips/suggestions for what has worked for other Nons.
One tip that seems to come from the majority of site members is this…
Your husband has to develop his own system for remembering/completing tasks, etc. Only he can come up with something that will work.
Here are some of the comments :
1) if we make our spouses “our projects” then we have loads more trouble coming, and 2) It’s impossible to change another human, they only change when THEY see the need to…Just like everyone else…..
Another piece of advice from a man whose wife has ADHD:
Most areas of life that is dysfunctional, can be helped by placing boundaries, it can limit the chaos and conflict that you may be experiencing now….Warning! It may take a while for the boundary to be respected, my wife was so spoiled (by me) that she was angry when I stopped the enabling, and held her accountable for control and manipulations attempts.
There are many posts on this website that will show you what worked for others.