Reply To: I just can’t trust him?…ADD partner who cheats…is it normal?

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#180007
Lesilotte
Participant

I hate to say this, but I would not pursue the relationship any further. I know you want to be understanding, I see how hard you are willing to work to make it work. You seem to be such a kind and forgiving person. But he does not yet seem to be in a place to be the partner you need. He doesn’t seem like much of a partner at all frankly. If you became sick, or in need of care, how would he respond? I am not encouraged by your description of his current behavior, and his desire for ‘forgiveness’ but lack of desire to figure out what he needs to do to stop ‘cheating.’

It’s like you are living in a perpetual cycle of High School drama, cheating, flirting, forgiving, therapy, wash, rinse, repeat. He gets his precious dopamine hit BUT WHAT DO YOU GET? And that, my dear, is a reasonable question. You deserve something out of this relationship too. You deserve a haven of caring and compassion and understanding. You deserve fun and laughter and joy. And from your description I don’t see him bringing any of that to the table.

Remember, while he’s ‘cheating’ on you, texting or whatever things you have caught him doing (and there could be more you haven’t) he is also cheating on the other woman who may not know about YOU.

Ask yourself this:
If things are exactly as they are now five years from now, will I still be ok with his behavior, and the constant drama cycle?

I hope the answer is no. I hope that five years from now you will have a partner who honors you and respects you. ADHD is a tough road to be sure, but it’s no excuse here. There are plenty of wonderful men with ADHD who would cherish your desire to help them navigate the difficulties, and never put you through this just because it makes them feel better.

Breaking it off is going to be hard. It is always hard. He will promise, he will ‘get better’ or whatever. Don’t fall for it! The drama of getting you back will be his latest dopamine hit… And when he ‘wins’ you back and feels secure it will start all over again.