The crucial piece to changing this is that your spouse accepts that there’s a problem and wants to change it, which isn’t happening right now. Until then, it doesn’t matter what you do, things can’t change.
But, what you can change is what you do with the situation. If you don’t have any access to the family financials, then you need to create your own that you can rely on. If the relationship is unhealthy, maybe it’s not a good idea to continue it. I’m not saying these things are true for you, I’m saying these are the things you can control and what you should focus on. And it isn’t just you suffering in this situation, it could be negatively impacting the kids as well.
I would sit down and make a list of things you can’t control and things you can control. It will help you to not feel stuck or trapped, because you do have some control, and it will help you create a plan of action that can actually create some change.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach, Podcaster & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism