Thank you so very much for the informative post. I greatly appreciate the time you spent writing this and I can truly relate to what you have touched on in your analogies. My main focus is trying to find the proper medication dosage, work on learning CBT and attempting to win my wife back although I believe it is too late.
The below may be considered TLDR to some or rambling but I feel the need to continue on.
Regarding my marriage, it’s a shame that I took my wife for granted over the years by not showing enough attention and lacking severely in the communication department as well as my lack of creating and meeting life goals, planning, etc. the list goes on. I feel like I unintentionally came across as not caring about her or her feelings due to my poor listening and focusing skills and I know that I probably shouldn’t say “unintentionally” although that’s what it feels like. I hate to push any blame towards ADHD as it looks as if I am not taking responsibility for my past mistakes but God I feel the impact. Now that I have been diagnosed and have been researching what I consider a curse daily, I have such a great understanding now for the first time in my life as to why each day is such a struggle and I realize how much I need to focus on trashing my previous coping mechanisms and literally restructure the way I think and function daily.
Being labelled by the person you love so very much as selfish when in fact I care for her more than I can honestly put into words and also called controlling and a narcissist even though I am seeking professional help and my family (parents and friends) are already noticing a change. The thing is that I have accepted responsibility for the pain I’ve put her through and I fully understand (at least I think I do) what she went through dealing with me over the past 13 years. Needless to say I feel crushed and hopeless every day knowing that because of me my children will have separated parents.
Anyhow, this is so extremely difficult to accept when you know you can make a change for the best and already feel like a new person in a sense but she doesn’t get it or believe me which is disheartening.
Thanks again for the response and listening.