Reply To: I need help – my husband cheated during the pandemic and left my children and I

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#177758
judiro
Participant

smonty,
I am so sorry to read what you have been through, and are still being put through. ADHD is not an excuse for his horrible behavior toward you and your children.

Please consider not listening to the advice above from chino. You describe a pattern of behavior and emotional abuse, which, if you allow him back again will eventually repeat. It is not your responsibility to put aside all the hurt and pain he has caused you, to “lure” him back. Under no circumstances should you “lure” him back with a pie, wine (FFS, he has problems with alcohol!) or sex. All of these suggestions from chino amount to co-dependency, and that will further erode your sense of self, and provide a horrible example to the children of how you are willing to be treated in your marriage. I would urge you not to let him come back home until he demonstrates to you that he is serious about confronting his own problems and until he really faces how destructive and corrosive his behavior has been to you, the children, and himself. You cannot rescue you him from himself if he is not willing to participate and engage in his own recovery.

You should focus on finishing your Master’s, healing yourself, and being present for your children. Your husband is an adult, and he can either choose to act like one, and start doing some really hard work on himself, or he won’t and you do not need to be there for that! It might not feel right now like you have the strength to do this, but you do. You will become even stronger through this ordeal, and you will come out the other side of it and you will be okay! Choose yourself. Choose your kids. Don’t sacrifice your and your kids’ well-being to a person who is not valuing you.
Wishing you the best,
<3