I think marriage is worth fighting for. As bad as it seems, it sounds like there is hope. Speaking from experience, I’d say you’re never going to recovery from where you are now (in your relationship) without help. I would highly recommend discussing seeing a counselor/psychologist together (preferably someone with relevant experience). If your wife is not keen, book the appointment, tell her when and where it is, that you are going and you would love for her to be there too. Even if she doesn’t go, you go. Repeat, as necessary. You will benefit from the session, and hopefully she will see your commitment and join you.
An article that I found very insightful re: the impact of ADHD on both parties in a marriage is: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/add-adhd/adult-adhd-attention-deficit-disorder-and-relationships.htm
My wife and I were in a similar, terrible and painful place. Fortunately she agreed to see someone with me. It transformed our marriage. No guarantees, of course, but if the efforts pay off, the reward is well worth the work.