I agree that the ADHD effect on marriage is a good book for your wife and for you to read.
The website of the same name has provided me with a lot of support. My fiance has ADHD I do not.
You will find on the website that the spouses who have become angry were not angry in the beginning.
They have allowed themselves to become that way because their spouse is either in denial that they have ADHD or they refuse to treat the condition.
Those who are angry are tired of hearing their spouse tell them that they are going to change that things are going to get better and they don’t. They are frustrated, exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally from shouldering 95% of the responsibilities. They thought that when they got married it would be a partnership, and feel like they got the old “bait and switch” once the hyperfocus wore off. They want actions, not words.